Who Will Remember

by Debbie James

Who will remember?

How we played cowboys and Indians

You always had to be Roy Rogers

Sometimes I got to be Dale Evans.

Who will remind me?

That mom liked you better

You made friends so easy

And you got to drive first.

The time you fell off the wagon

Or the time mom chased you with a stick

When we rode the teacups at the carnival

And you said you lost your stomach.

Who will remember?

We taught each other to dance

Using all Mom’s baby powder

So we could slide and make the fancy moves.

The time you had your first beer

And you got so stinking sick

Mom wouldn’t believe it

But Daddy said that’s what you get.

Who will make me double over?

About the how big that chicken was;

Introduce me to that new TV show

Or infuriate me just because.

But I don’t have to be reminded to cry

About the things only I remember

Not a day goes by

I don’t miss our memories together.



Half-hearted Smile

                                   by Debbi James

Please excuse my half-hearted smile

You see I haven’t used it in a while

The what ifs, the whys

Keep me up most nights

The pain, the tears I try to hide.

But here it’s safe to show that side

Sharing the ache that won’t go away

And the treasures that I lost that day

I think I’ve even forgotten how to pray

Its summertime, yet the sky’s so gray.

But here in this room, it’s ok for me to say

That I don’t think I’ll make it through another night

Then again, I’m afraid that I just might.

You hugged me really close

As I told my story with a shaky voice.

So in sharing your strength and insight

I have learned I can hold another’s hand

With comfort and compassion.

That I have two ears to listen.

I didn’t ask for you; dear friends

Yet you are a blessed Gift in this foreign land.

This trip called grief can take a while

Trudging the rugged terrain

We are companions who share an ache.

However, more than heartbreak,

We share our lives, hopes, and tears

Books and tips and fears.

I’m thankful for the stories I hear

Knowing that when it’s my turn to speak I will be heard

I can find peace sitting with you for just a while

Always welcome despite my half-hearted smile.




© 2015 Survivors of Suicide

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